KeJadian Di petang Ahad

cake yang dah nak habis makan

dari pagi tadi dok menegemas rumah, membasuh, dan mempacking..
lagi dua hari nak balik mesia..yosh!semangat giler
pastu bila dah petang, tetiba rasa nak makan kek atau kuih muih
surfing punya surfing jumpalah resepi kek yg boleh terus buat without kena beli apa2 bahan lain
so dengan BERSEMANGAT aku mulakan membuat KEK SPAN KARAMEL PUDING
ok, memula kena buat karamel, settle..
then but puding, settle..
lagi skit nak siap dah, aku pun tuang la adunan puding dalam loyang..
tiba2....
MELELEH adunan puding tadi keluar dari loyang...
rupanya loyang tu tak blh guna untuk adunan cair..
aku pun gelabah giler..
dah tumpah ke carpet umah, aku pun jadi panik nak lap mana satu nih, meja ker carpet..
pergh!!!baru sedar aku nyer response time dah makin panjang banding dulu..
woi!woi! sistem saraf dah mula menunjukkan usia ker??
so dah settle kemas2 apa yg tertumpah, aku pun rasa nak buat la balik dr awal..
disebbakan brg td cukup2 jer, so aku pun pergi la stesen minyak terdekat since arini kedai pun tutup..
dah lah penat berlari sbb syamil tinggal kat umah, sampai2 org tu kata telur takde..
UWAAAA..rasa nak masuk batu belah siut..dahla kempunan nak makan CARAMEL PUDING SPONGE CAKE..
balik rumah dengan hati sedih:(, tgk bahan2 utk cake...pk nyer pk, at last buat jerlah sponge cake tu tanpa caramel..
itulah kejadian di petang AhAD yang busannnn....

lepak

dah 3ari aku lepak umah...busan, banyak keje tapi memula sbb syamil tak sihat aku taknak la dia pergi sekolah..then termalas lak.
arini rajin skit aku baca buku dan buat keje umah..tapi dok umah jer mmg tak best..sbbnya byk benda buat aku jiwa kacau..
dua tiga hari ni aku rasa nak bersendiri, nak marah, rasa tak percaya ngan semua org, dan aku teringat kat dia..tak suka perasaan camni..cuma aku blh kawal diri aku...
kenapa mesti aku ingat, tapi as org kata tempat jatuh lagi dikenang kan...
kenapa bila kita letak kepercayaan pada seseorg, org tu akan campakkn kepercayaan kita..bila kita dah buka hati kita, dia tak bertanggungjawab terhadap kata kata dia..aku geram, sedih, marah...adakah ini kehidupan..
kenapa bila dgn aku, dia ego, pengecut dan tak bertanggungjwab, sedangkan dulu dia blh buat macam2 utk org lain..blh tlg org tu walaupun org tu sakitkan hati dia..sedangkan aku takde sakitkan hati dia..
dan kenapa aku keep thinking about him, even dia tak pernah pk perasaaan aku nih..
i just hate myself...
am i confusing...am i too depending...am i the one who need to be blame...am i not good enough...
am i just a person who doesnt mean anything to everyone...am i???nakitaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.....

gOOd woRk

Today...
sangat sangat happy
inspite byk benda yg tak best happen in my private life but i still got the reawards for my career
smlm dapat surat kata klu ada phd akan dilantik terus DS51..
and today i got a meeting with my SV, and he was very2 satisfied with my work..
dan SV ada cakap yg dia tgh apply grant dr german government utk project yg aku buat phd nih..
its mean makin ramai professor yg akan support phd aku ni..
and all will be interested in my work..
so i will becoming very very important person nanti..
my phd work will be something!! AWESOME..
i do like the idea...and i do want to be like him, a good SV indeed..
always supporting me although time tgh down..
even aku datang sini byk terpinga2, but aku rasa byk benda yg dia dah buat aku belajar
very much appreciated..
if i can patented my work, then it will be a very very great phd work..
tolong doakan kejayaaan aku...thank you
ni yg rasa bersemangat nak do the best nih...
alhamdulillah semua yg berlaku byk menguatkan aku
aku percaya sbnrnya apapun klu kita usaha kita akan dapat yg terbaik..
bila dan apa yg terbaik tu kita takkan tahu but for sure we get it...

XtvT

Lagi 14 hari aku nak balik bercuti ke Mesia :)
Perasaan-> seronok kot..entah tak sure
Tgh memikirkan apa xtvt nak buat especially during my birthday
Yg pasti nak pergi tgk Theater Natrah tu sorang2..haha
best apa layan diri sesorang..
Tgh pk nak makan apa, nak pergi mana, nak buat apa
Yg penting nak jumpa all my friends,
Nak kena tulis paper conference,
Nak kena baca byk buku
dan buat benda yg blh mengisi masa lapang aku.
By the way lapang ker..:P
Mana tahu dapat idea menarik waktu cuti tu
Alhamdulillah aku dah berjaya mengOK kaan diri aku
And I can think postively right now..
Thanks to all my friends yg bagi support time aku down
As always I still can handle myself..
Thats me the strongest person eva..
So pasnih tanak sedih2, focusing on my work
and having a lots of fun!!

PS: Smlm blh lak si Syamil ni bagi soalan cepu mas..Bila mama nak dapat baby nih..AIsh..mmg tak blh nak jawab ler kan...Thinking of having an adopt child after finish Phd..Aci tak?heheh:)

TimE wiLL HeaLs

Adakah salah untuk mencintai orang yang tak lagi mencintai kita...Adakah salah mengingati orang tak mengingati kita lagi...Bagi aku benda ni terlalu subjektif, kerana perasaan datang tanpa dijemput atau dihalang. Kadangkala kita mampu melupakan dan membiarkan ia pergi tapi kadangkala apabila perasaan tu telah disematkan terlalu dalam, sudah pasti tak mampu untuk dibuang. Aku...tak mungkin dapat melenyapkan perasaan tu tapi aku cuba untuk menanamnya dalam dalam supaya aku mampu meneruskan kehidupan tanpa diganggu oleh perasaan perasaan itu. Aku sedar TIME WILL HEALS and I'm just have to wait..Hope that it will healing everything and let the past be a good experience.


THATS WHEN I LOVE YOU-ASLYN

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn,
The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than you'll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn,
The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn,
The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

One Last cry-WesTLife

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf,
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else

Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings were gone
I give my best to you, nothing for me to do

But have one last cry, one last cry before i leave it all behind
I gotta put you outta my mind this time, been living a lie
I guess im down to my last cry...cry

I was here, you were there
I guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me

Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings were gone
Gotta get over you
Nothin' for me to do
But have one last cry, one last cry before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you outta my mind this time, been living a lie
I know i gotta be strong cause my life goes on and on and on and onnnnn

(Break)

Im gonna dry my eyes right after i have my
One last cry, one last cry before i leave it all behind
I gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time,
been living a lie
I guess im down
I guess im down
I guess im down to my last cryyyyyyyyy

meneruskan kehidupan

so dah beberapa arini hujan jer..
sebab, aku tak payah la bgtau..
but byk benda yg mengecewakan aku,walau aku cuba tahan perasaan aku
rasa tak berdaya sgt..
aku tau Allah maha mengetahui, but im just an ordinary human being
im feel said when im being betrayed, when i lost something that i think precious to me
cuma aku tahu kehidupan mesti diteruskan
suka atau tak, aku mesti akur pada takdir
itulah hidup ini
mungkin dia bukan yg terbaik utk aku
mungkin we are not meant to be together
dan aku doakan agar kebahagiaan jadi miliknya
moga aku sentiasa diberi rahmat Allah dan ketenangan
walaupun keadaan memaksa semua ini
mungkin inila yg tersurat

takde Story

actually arini cam takde kisah menraik nak diciterkan, pulak tu aku tgh membusykan diri ngan report aku yg nak aku siapkan pada minggu ini..(SEMOGA BERJAYA NAT!!)
minggu ni ada beberapa even la untuk aku ngan anak aku..first, 5Nov aku kena present something untuk my head of institute dan pada hari yg sama gak kena pergi ke tadika cepat skit dr bese sbb anak aku ada pesta tanglung..kemudian hujung minggu ni ingat nak melepakkan diri kat umah Ummi pulak..hehe, oh aku lupa nak bgtau pembaca blog aku ni bahawasanaya aku dah start count down nak balik mesia.walaupun perasaan excited nak balik dah berkurangan atas beberapa perkara yg tak disangka2 aku still rasa nak balik mesia sbb aku tgh craving nak makan macam2 benda kat mesia tuh..heheh..
so skrg ada lagi 22hari to go..yosh..kena lagi hardworking menyiapkan report aku dan sebagainya klu tak nanti sure tak blh nak balik dgn hati yg senang..lets working...

can't live without him

Anak adalah anugerah drNYA yg paling berharga. And I'm really greatful to have a very great son. Mcm2 kerenah dia, kdg menguji kesabaran aku, terkadang menggembirakan, kadangkala menyentuh perasaan.

Syamil banyak memberi kekuatan pada aku dalam menempuh kehidupan ini. Bagi aku dia sgt kuat dan matang berbanding rakan rakan sebaya dia. Banyak benda yg dia dah buat untuk aku. And aku beryukur sbb aku ada dia disamping aku tatkala aku menghadapi saat2 yg menyedihkan dalam hidup aku.

Cerita tentang Syamil ni memang tak akan habis. Tapi aku selalu terfikir macamana agaknya aku nak hadapi hidup ini when he's growing up, and have to leave me. Kenapa aku terpk macam ni, sbb baru2 ni bila aku buat dia cam baby dan timang dia, dia dah start complaining saying that he's not a baby anymore and when I'm saying that I don't have any other baby other than him and he answered me by saying that I should marry uncle and then have a baby..He always make me smile with his words..

I think Syamil likes Dear so much. Why I'm saying this, because lately he always talking about him although I never mentioned anything about dear to him, since me and dear has a COOLING DOWN period. One day I had this conversation with him when he suddenly give a CEPU MAS question

SR: Mama, uncle ada girlfriend tak ma?
Me: Entahla mil, mama pun tak tahu nak jawab...
SR: Ermm...amil tau, mama la girlfriend uncle

I don't know why he said so, maybe he just missing him I guess.

Sometimes when I'm crying, he persuade me by saying that its ok when we got back to Malaysia we can meet uncle so I should not cry anymore.

When I'm asking him why dear don't want to talk to me, then he will answer me by saying maybe its ok, maybe dear is working and busy..

And today he had asked me why I'm changing my computer screen from uncle picture to another picture. And he said he want uncle picture's back..Emm..its hurt me but I just say yes to him..

That's my child, who always cheer me up. Who always be there for me. And I can never imagine if I have to lost him one day..